Celebrating my birthday earlier in the month...I actually don't feel like my chronological age at all.
At this age, people usually have a stable job, established a family, have kids, have a house, and at least a car.
I got none of those and I'm fine as is.
Despite living the against the norm, I'm much happier living this lifestyle.
It might seem odd, but I actually have hard time sharing myself.
For the past 6 months, I've been told to share more about myself from close friends and family.
My sister told me she is sick of my positive quotes and handstand yoga poses. (smeh, family, lol)
I always try to be positive and look like I got my sh*t together, but behind the scene, I'm just a normal human who made a bunch of silly mistakes.
I just learn to laugh through life, that's it.
What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger...
After talking to so many other nomadic travelers in Chiang Mai, we've shared tons of epic fail moments in travel, business, dating, relationships, family, and skeletons in the closet.
It's nice to vomit all out.
What's funny is that a lot of people I've encountered in Chiang Mai mostly go for the deep talk. No small talk about the weather, favorite food, and best sight-seeing stuff that type of stuff.
We go straight to childhood, relationship, past experience and things like that. The more we talk about it, the more it's just another life story we're sharing. Everyone has past story. Do you share about yourself?
Don't take life too seriously.
With that, I got the epiphany to shamelessly share you my epic fails. Because it's my birthday month, by now I should admit who I am:)
Epic Fails in Work
So I pretty much wasted my last summer working on the wrong niche, and the year before that I worked on other projects that turn out unfruitful. And even if I had landed in some freelancing work or a new project, they either have the wrong outcome or all the sudden my 'awesome client' stopped my service.
Most of the time, I feel like a total failure.
My parent kept telling me to go back to school for a good paying degree or snap out of my stupid dream/travel and get a real job. (Sounds familiar?)
I try to be optimistic. I thought to myself, well, you know, I need time to learn about myself, what I want out of life, learning internet business, SEO, email marketing...and so forth.
But when you are on a budget, trying to figure out everything on my own, and have a demanding mother who is never satisfied, stress level can go off the chart.
(Why you think I do yoga every damn day?)
And also, having to figure everything out and set up a recording studio in the new location is a massive amount of work and stress. But I have to give myself some credit...I am doing my best.
My recording studio in Warsaw.
Epic Fails in Family
My family can be crazy.
We all seem to be normal and supportive of each other in other people's eyes, but when the wrong button is pushed, atomic bomb would explode, and I had to evacuate the country.
I just wish my parents could stop wasting time on fighting every time I go back to visit.
Epic Fails in Personal Development
I think I may have just the worst response when talking to people and being super blunt.
I've challenged myself to read at least 50 books this year and document it on Goodreads. Topic includes self-development, communication, psychology and similar.
Did I tell you I can't focus when it comes to reading? Just too many words.
I'm also very disorganized. I don't even know how my German friends put up with me.
Anyways, so there's a lot of things I'm working on...
Epic Fails in Health
Yes I eat healthy and do yoga almost every day. You'd think I'm healthy and everything is great. But I never mention just how many times I could've killed myself with my own clumsiness.
Just two days ago, I broke a glass shelf in my own apartment. Of course, my hand was scraped with some wounds as I pick up the glass piece off the floor.
And yeah, I got like, a second-degree burn from making some tea in my apartment when I was living in Warsaw.
IN MY GODDAMN APARTMENT!!
And the year before that, the egg I ate exploded in front of me like a hydrogen bomb. I was sitting in my sister's dining room, she witnesses the whole explosion, and laughed hysterically at my accident. (love you too, sis)
And also, just a few weeks ago, my Kaohsiung guy friend came and visit and of course the first thing he sat down I had to accidentally spill water on his lap. (I probably won't hear from him again *tears*)
Luckily, no one was injured, except me.
I don't even have to be adventurous, traveling out and about hiking in the woods or swim out to the sea to get accidents. Now you know why I prefer hermit at home??
I'm lethal y'all.
Seriously, all I wish is to just make it through the day in one piece.
Epic Fails in Travel
This is so embarrassing I kinda cringed writing it.
The other day, my Australian friend told me how stressful it was for her husband and her to overpack + travel + work she kept having anxiety meltdown.
Girllll, been there, done that, now to another level honey.
I've forgotten my passport when I was about to go through customs.
I've missed my flight more times than I want to admit.
I booked my transportation, Airbnb and set out everything...then to find out I can't stay in Europe because I'd pass the Schengen Visa thing. In other words, I naively thought I could just hop over to another country other than Poland and stay for another few month. WRONG.
And I've surprised myself not knowing I had to change airport from Montreal to Toronto.
You should've seen the flight attendant's face when she explains to me, "Yes, ma'am, you have to go out the airport, catch a bus to go to the Toronto airport." Oh really? I'll be darned.
If there's one thing all my travels taught me, it'll be:
Loosen up, it's just life, nothing is under control. Vivien, you're just a pathetic human.
So, nowadays, I laugh through most things and trying my best to keep myself safe.
Maybe I should consolidate my most embarrassing travel moments into a comic to share with you. That'll be my next project. Just wait.
Epic Fails in Motivation
When you are on your own, you are on your own baby. There's no one to talk to because everyone is busy with their life.
I usually try to shut off my emotions to work, but there are
numerous times I felt so unmotivated, exhausted, depressed, PMSed, bloated, lonely, and crazy...in my apartment.
Email marketing is so overwhelming.
What is a SaaS?
Where should I go for the next visa run?
How do you say 'no sugar' in Thai?
I forgot my bank card PIN code...not good.
Damn I just broke another glassware.
Sometimes, negative swirl pool suck me in and you won't hear from me for days coz I'm busy watching Louis CK's video, trying to boost myself up.
I don't like to reach out for help when I'm depressed because:
1. I usually try to use my logic side to analyze the situation to get over myself because I think I'm friggin ridiculous.
2. I look so ugly when I cry, and also,
3. I think my problem is so menial compared to starving children in Africa and many others
I don't deserve complaining.
Just suck it up, Vivien.
Epic Fails in Relationships
I don't have many friends back in the States because they are all married, divorced, have kids, have a job, bought a house, whatever. I don't even know what to say if we ever meet up.
They'd be like, "Heyyyy long time no see! What have you been up to? I see you've been traveling all over the world!"
and I'd be like, "Yeah...haha."
Even within the location independent friends I have here, everyone is busy with their own life, busy on Tinder, and dealing with their own issues.
They'd be like, "Heyyyy how's the course coming along? Dating anyone??"
and I'd be like, "Yeah...haha."
For romantic relationship...well, it's kinda hard to find a patient person I like who can handle my randomness, clumsiness and craziness.
Thank goodness I have very few dear friends whom I could just unleash my whole nonsense out and they won't run away on me. They are awesome, I love them.
Their apple cinnamon pancake and mango pancake is quite awesome.
Anyways, this post seems to do a good job in totally trashing myself, but hey, someone's gotta tell you the truth behind this whole independent women delusion, right?
As always, thank you for supporting me.